What is true maturity?

Maturity is the ability to relate appropriately to other realities than one’s own. It is never-ending, says Swami Kriyananda

Surely it is self-evident that in the way we raise our children, we should lead them somewhere. Where, then, should we lead them? Isn’t the simple, obvious answer: from immaturity to maturity? What, then, is maturity? Let me propose a definition: Maturity is the ability to relate appropriately to other realities than one’s own. Immaturity is a child throwing a tantrum because he can’t get what he wants. Children discover as they grow up that life isn’t always disposed to comply with their wishes. The process of growing up is one of learning to “play the odds” — to adapt to situations as they are, and not as one wishes they were. Immature people typically decry such adaptation as “compromise”. Many people mature a little, but not much, beyond the child with his temper tantrums. Much might have been accomplished during the time they were growing up to cure them of this infantilism. Instead, the very dogmas of our times feed their immaturity instead of curing it. Not long ago, during an economic recession in America, many hundreds of workers in the city of Detroit, Michigan lost their jobs. A considerable number were given psychiatric counselling to help them adjust. There were too many cases, however, to make this counselling available to everyone. Interestingly, those who were given counselling had a notably more difficult time adjusting to their new circumstances. How to explain these results? The report said that the “beneficiaries” of counselling were encouraged to dwell on their predicament, and to consider various theoretical means of coping with it. Those who missed the opportunity for counselling wasted no time in theorizing. They accepted reality as it presented itself to them, and set themselves to rebuilding their lives. Maturity is not a finishing line reached automatically at a certain age. It is a neverending-process. We sail towards expansive horizons of awareness until we find infinity.

What do you do when you do?(PARAMAHAMSA SRI NITHYANANDA)

Psychologists say that a person living in western countries never sleeps for more than 14 minutes at a stretch - more often it is less. After 14 minutes he comes back to the dream state or wakeful consciousness or just floats in the dream level. Again he goes back to sleep for a maximum of 14 minutes. Then he comes back to the dream level. Again he goes back to sleep. They call this the rapid eye movement or REM sleep pattern.

You never sleep totally even when you sleep. There are levels of mind in which you will never have dreams. You never need to have any dreams. You can directly enter into deep sleep, if you know how to live in the now, the present moment.
If you know how to live in now, you will know the art of eating, the art of sleeping, and the art of doing everything. That is the art of living.

Can you try to remember one incident from your day in complete detail? You are more dead than alive even when you are awake. You almost live like a man in half sleep. You do things without fully knowing what you do. You do recall brushing your teeth; but do you remember the sensation of cold water in your mouth? Do you remember the feel of the taste of the toothpaste in your mouth or the pressure of your toothbrush upon your gums? And how did you feel after brushing? Or how was the water being poured on your body in the shower? How did the whole thing happen? What is happening after you have eaten your food? Look at your life; look at your face; you are all almost bored. Somehow you are pulling along. Life is just a drag. Why? Because, all you do, all that you know to do for everything is how to postpone. Your mind never sits with your being. Your mind never lives in the same moment that you are in. You are always in the space of tomorrow or in the space of yesterday. It is never in the space of today, now, the present.

Live in the present. This is the secret art of living.

Of Goodness, Intimacy and True Sharing(Swami Sukhabodhananda)

A crow found a piece of meat. The moment it picked up the meat, the other crows and eagles began chasing it. The crow soared higher and higher to safeguard the meat. The others chased it relentlessly. Then, suddenly, the crow dropped the meat; the crows and eagles left the chase, and dived towards the meat that had fallen to the ground.

Now that the crow was free from its pursuers, it realised a great truth. "I lost the meat, but then, i have gained great freedom!" Similarly, if we drop our ego, our life will get released from tension. Just as the crow could fly at will in the vast sky, we too can soar in the beauty of life!

Vedas have four sections - Moksha Shastra, Artha Shastra, Kama Shastra and Dharma Shastra. The Moksha Shastra says: "Only when we drop our ego, do we realise the bliss that is within us!" The Artha Shastra advocates: "Earn money out of love; not out of greed". Greed can never satisfy us. The Kama Shastra advocates: "Convert sex into prayer". The Dharma Shastra says: "Let goodness, not ambition, be the foundation of life". Out of goodness, let ambition arise.

Our parents, siblings, spouse and children deserve our love and care. But while we do not share everything with them, we confide freely with a few friends. Over a period of time, a feeling of intimacy develops.

To help intimacy grow in your marital relationship; treat your spouse as your friend. Let there be transparency in your words and deeds. Some declare with pride, "I do not discuss office matters at home!" The reason given by couples is, "If i share office matters with my spouse, it might not be understood. It might lead to confusion and worry". This may be true to some extent. But it is not so difficult to overcome this simple hurdle, it is to prevent a wall rising between the two of you.
When you share your troubles, dreams or worries... what will a good friend do? He would just listen, letting you unburden yourself. He would create an atmosphere for meaningful sharing. Mother Teresa would say: "Don't spend your time in judging others; then you will not have time to love them!"

It is absolutely essential that such an intimacy exists between husband and wife. It is worth looking at an advice provided in Christianity to nourish the intimacy between husband, wife and children. "The family that prays together stays together!"
In married life, you have to compromise on certain issues which you may not really like or enjoy. One should learn to accommodate the other's likes and dislikes. Intimacy is bound to develop in the environment of such readiness to accommodate.
You receive as much as you give. One is more blessed in giving than in receiving. One should develop an attitude of giving in to the taste and interest of the spouse on less important issues.

You have to learn to like what you dislike too and even dislike what you like; so that you are above likes and dislikes. Then you will have likes and dislikes, instead of likes and dislikes having you! This is true mastery. Be a master of likes and dislikes.